I dont believe this is a true story. to paraphrase St Bobo, erotica is pretty straight forward, its all about setting, characters, and descriptions. You jizz I dont believe this is a true story. That’s all you needed to say. If they had been kissing before this weekend and in the park, than why do they act surprised at the chemistry? Who wears a bra to bed? That’s all you needed to say. Also, you need to break the paragraph each time you add dialogue or change speakers. KREADERReport 2005-09-08 07:20:59Archaic, your ridiculous critique is longer than the story. No sexual description. 1/10READERReport 2005-09-07 09:13:23Hannah, you have a pretty good geasp of the language but the inconsistancies hurt the story.
