Not only that, but the dialogue felt pretty forced at times as well. XNXX You do have a good story here and I think that you can definitely attract a good fanbase with this. There was also the issue that it became a little difficult to tell who was saying what at times. If you really can’t do that yourself, then try to find an editor who can help do it for you. You asked for criticism, so I’m giving it to you. They’re not professionals either, yet they constantly make professional level work. My advice would be to start proofreading your work seriously. The grammar issues especially will just turn off so many readers that they won’t care how good the story is.
Actors:
Destiny Dixon / Mike Adriano
